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Feelin’ Good!

December 9, 2012

It is amazing to me how something so simple, so small as a number on a pair of jeans affects a woman in so many ways. It can make us feel amazing, or not so much in the blink of an eye. It can make us evaluate who we are and what we are doing with our lives. It can make us celebrate with our girlfriends or it can make us weep alone in the shower. Why do we allow so many things outside of our own selves determine our self worth? I have been thinking about all of this since my trip to Lane Bryant yesterday. I went there with the intent to use a coupon on some new bras and perhaps a workout outfit. Before I knew it, I was trying on a pair of jeans in a size that I thought that I had truly no hope in fitting into and low and behold, they fit…comfortably. Size 16. Wow.

I almost could not process the moment. I have been very dedicated to sticking to my new way of eating post bariatric surgery and in the past month, I have also become very dedicated to establishing a workout routine. I know that those two things together are supposedly the holy grail of being healthy but who knew that they really do work for a fat girl…a real woman with curves on her curves, someone who has spent her entire life wondering what to do about her ever increasing size. Well, I am here to tell ya that they work!

Right now today, I weigh 224lbs. That is 42lbs lost since surgery day. My next check up is my 3 months post op in mid January and I want to be out of the 200s by then. I look at the scale and I know that is a very ambitious goal but, for the first time in my adult life I also feel totally confident in being able to achieve that goal. I am starting to look different, even to myself. I started to feel different a while ago. Now I know that I am going to conquer my weight problem. In fact, I cannot even call it that any longer because I have a solution. I know what my body can and cannot tolerate as far as fuel goes. I also know now that you cannot continue to overfill the fuel tank and have the machine run efficiently. I hear my father’s voice in all those statements. He would say those kinds of things to me my entire teenage life and I never really understood what he meant. All I wanted him to do at the time was to shut up, ignore it, and let me disappear to my room and not comment on the bag of oreos that I was carrying there with me. Thanks Dad for continuing to try to enlighten me and give me good information so that one day I would be wise enough to use it. I am finally wise enough and it is feelin’ good.

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