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197lbs and counting

February 10, 2013

It’s been a long month since I have last written but after my weigh in this morning I felt like I could share a few things and at least find a way to be positive in them. I got on the scale after not weighing myself in over a week and amazingly it read 197.0. I cannot remember the last time I weighed under 200lbs. I know that it was back in high school at some point. It made me smile and immediately tell my husband who beamed one of his 150 watt smiles at me and said, “good job!”. I feel like it is.

In the past two weeks I did no exercise which I realize isn’t a good thing. I was committed to going to the gym 5 days a week and then all of the sudden, it was just something I needed a break from. I am going to return to the gym tomorrow and do my best to get back into the 5 day a week routine. I know this is going to be difficult to do because I recently got a job that I will be starting on the 18th. It is part time but for the 3 month training program it is full time. So I will be working in an office environment for 8 hours a day for the first time since 2005. Since then I have been a retail store manager so returning to an office job is a big deal for me. It will definitely impact when I exercise and my sleeping patterns and all of that. I have high hopes that it will turn into a full time job in a year or less but that it is also something that I truly enjoy doing. I stopped enjoying working in retail years ago and I had been looking for a way into another industry but when your family is counting on you to make a certain amount of money sometimes you need to stick with what you know.

My poor husband is also going through some job flux now. As I wrote a while ago, he was put on a suspension with pay from work back in December. It was for a flim-flam situation then and the fact that it took his company seven weeks to decide if he was going to stay or if he was going to go was even more ridiculous. Well, after all of this time they finally got back to him this past Friday and released him from employ. It is difficult for both of us to deal with. For me it is because I know that he was paid pretty well, the benefits were good, and he carried the health insurance for the family and I happen to have a lower abdominal hernia that needs tending to. For him it is because his pride and integrity were thoroughly abused and insulted, he genuinely enjoyed his job, was a champion of the company, and he is feeling like he let me and our children down because we depend on him to be the bread winner and to provide us with things like health insurance.

It’s a scary situation. We have a little savings but, not much. I could get us insurance through my new position but since I am a part time worker the premiums are quite expensive and basically my entire month’s pay would go to paying for our health insurance. Hubby is diligently looking for new opportunities and has been the entire time he has been on suspension. He has an interview lined up for this week so I am hoping that it is not only something he really would enjoy doing but that it will pay the price point that we need and that they offer him insurance almost immediately. If he doesn’t get a job/insurance quickly I am not sure how that is going to affect my continued surgical aftercare and it will definitely put off getting my hernia repaired for an undetermined amount of time which is also quite frustrating.

Life. Life happens when you are busy making plans. Life happens when you least expect it and generally when you are the least prepared for something to “go wrong”. All I can do is continue to focus on my weight loss, whether I can have my doctor monitor it or not. All I can do is do the best job that I can do with my new position and shine and in every way possible so that they offer me a full time position sooner rather than later. All I can do is be a supportive wife and believe in my husband and in all of his talents that he brings to the table for a company and hope that there is one out there intelligent enough to see his resume and know that he is the guy that they need for their team. If all of these things can align, my family will be back on track to living okay. At the end of the day, that’s all anyone wants, right?

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